Thursday, April 11, 2013

what makes life grand.

-being able to walk on my tiptoes again.
(recovery from my February ankle surgery just about finished. Hallelujah!)
~job interview on Monday. :) :) :) Yay!
~grape scented bubbles; being a kid again with my little sister, filling the air with those delightfully delicious smelling bubbles. :D
~dreams spent with that one person you miss the most. Even if it's only a's magic.
~seeing pictures of a dear friend's newborn baby boy!
~Christmas lights still hanging in your room in April. And no plan to take them down anytime soon.
~these books.
Little things that make life grand. le sigh. What makes your life grand?

all pictures via weheartit, as usual. :)

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

in love with the rain.

When I was little, I was absolutely, positively terrified of thunderstorms. I'd get so nervous at that first sound of thunder, and I'd constantly ask my parents "Are we gonna have a tornado, are we gonna be ok??" I wouldn't leave my parents' side, and if it stormed during the night I'd either go to their room, or fall back asleep holding onto one of my stuffed wolves for dear life.
Now, all these years later, you wanna know what one of my absolute favorite things in the world is? Thunderstorms. :) And today, we're having our first one of the year. I love the smell in the air as the thunder is rumbling in the distance, and tiny drops of rain make their way down from the darkened clouds. I love getting cozied up either inside with the windows open, or on the porch, and listening to the birds singing along with the thunder. I love, I love, I love. With a warm, fuzzy feeling. Because winter is over and done, and a new aspect of God's beauty is springing up, as the world comes back to life.
In a happy place. :)

picture via weheartit

Monday, April 8, 2013

looking at the moon, but seeing you.

I wish that we could be together; oh, how I wish it could be so. But just imagine for a second that there’s another world out there, far beyond our own, where there’s another version of you, of me. Imagine that when we make wishes here, they come true there. So when I sit here and wish with all my heart that we could be together…well, in that other world, you and I are together, all because I wished for it to be so. So even though we’re rather far apart now, and you and I will never be together as we long to be…somewhere out there, we are just as we ought to be. And somehow, that makes the heartache a little less painful. Just the idea that there is this fictional world where you and I are living in our dream makes it all a bit more bearable, doesn’t it? Maybe we’ll even meet there someday, you and I. Perhaps we’ll get a chance after all.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

both happy and sad and trying to figure out how that could be.

This past week has been different. Mostly in a good way. :) See, I quit my (almost) full time job last week, for a lot of reasons, but mainly because it was getting hard to take a real breath...and I know for certain that I made the right decision. Though I have an incredibly hard time saying goodbye to people, even people I don't necessarily love; I get so attached. I hate goodbyes. I hate not knowing when I'm going to see someone again, and I hate the idea that I'm going to be replaced or forgotten. I had someone at work who became one of my best friends, and I miss him terribly...I find myself wondering if he misses me.
This past week has been wonderful though. It was full of resting, Pinterest-crafting, diving into the LOTR books, and finally being able to really breathe again. Just what I needed.

I've been learning a lot over these past few months, about myself, about life in general.

I'm stronger than I seem, and I tend to be a fight cat (my dad's phrase).
It's okay to love someone with all you have, and for them not return that doesn't make your love any less beautiful.
No matter how alone I feel, my family is good, and will stick by me.
I'm realizing that it's not just me that feels lost...we're all in this together.
A genuinely good man is harder to find than I ever realized.
And most importantly, more than anything, I want to live in Middle Earth with Aragorn and Legolas.

(my love for Legolas will never die.)

I love you guys. I miss my blogger comrades.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

look at the stars, look how they shine for you (a post of pretty.)

“I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream.” –Vincent Van Gogh

all pictures via weheartit.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

To my broken sisters.

I'd forgotten how marvelous it is to lose yourself in a book. To open up the pages and dive into another world, one that steals you away from your troubles, your fretting, your moments of whirling thoughts; even if it's just for a little while.
To escape is to breathe for a bit. And I love to find that escape in the pages of a book. And then after the book is finished and sitting next to you because you can't bear to put it back on the shelf again yet, you find it nearly impossible to pick another. Because for me, I almost always find it too difficult to move on from the world I just closed...often times, I need to say my goodbyes before opening a new story.

I finished a book today that's been on my shelf for nearly two years now, called "Hold Still" by Nina LaCour. It's about the friendship between two girls, Caitlin and Ingrid...and how Caitlin is picking up the pieces of her life after Ingrid commits suicide right at the end of sophomore year of high school.  One day, Caitlin finds that Ingrid had slid her journal underneath Caitlin's bed before she took her life...and so a journey of healing begins for Caitlin, all during the time that she's holding onto this last piece of Ingrid that she has left.

This story reached out and grabbed something in me, something I'd pushed aside, and ignored for so long, and I only want to talk about it now because I'm realizing more and more that most of us have felt desperately alone and hopeless at one point or another. But so often, the problem is that we don't talk about it. Like me. For years, throughout middle school and high school.

I still remember the very first moment I thought to myself, "Is this what depression feels like?", as I was walking out of the lunch room in the 7th grade. Through the following years, through the making and breaking of friendships, I was a very broken young girl...and I know with all my heart and soul that if not for my great love for my family, and the Lord's hand being on me always, I would not be here today.

I was always hurting...oftentimes, I didn't even know what the reason was behind it. Mostly, it all stemmed from a betrayal from my closest friends in freshman year...I had given my complete trust to these girls, and we were thick as thieves. Then one day, we weren't; I'm sure I'll never understand teenage girls. And unfortunately, the friendship(s) didn't end cleanly; It was a mess. And it broke me down to the point that feels like the worst possible place to be when you're a 15 year old girl.
And it was a very long, rough road getting out of that place. And I never used to believe the phrase "Time heals all wounds"... I still don't know that I fully believe it. But I do know for a fact that time lessens the pain, and gradually makes it easier to breathe again.

I remember quite vividly how I felt during those years. And so badly, I wish I could now go back in time, give myself a hug, and say..."Hey. It's going to be okay. I promise. Time passes quicker than you can possibly realize, and before you know it, this will all be a memory. Just keep holding on."

I guess that's why I'm posting this now. You see, I never talked about what I now know to have been depression. I still don't talk about it; Even though there are moments when that time comes up when I'm down, it is in the past. The Lord brought me through that time, and though my journey is far from over, I feel that that awful chapter is finally closed.

But I want YOU to know, that if that girl is you...if you're hurting and aching and you feel like you just want peace and rest; if you feel as if you don't have a friend in the world, and the light at the end of the tunnel will never reach dear, you are not alone.
You are loved by the one true God. And even in your greatest darkness, He does not abandon you. And some day you'll look back and see it clearly...just like I do now.

And how fitting that as I'm finishing this post, Matt Redman's "Never Once" comes on Pandora.
"Scars and struggles on the way, but with joy our hearts can say, never once did we ever walk alone, never once did you leave us on our own."
...I've never heard this song before. Chills.
Thank you, Lord Jesus, for reaching down and reminding us of your neverending faithfulness.

Stay strong, my chickadees, no matter what battle it is that you're walking through right now.

Our God is a God who rescues.
My heart is overwhelmed.

Monday, January 7, 2013

My heart's on overload.


"Being with you is like walking on a very clear morning; I definitely have the sensation of belonging there."-EB White

"There is nothing sweeter in this sad world than the sound of someone you love calling your name." -Kate DiCamillo

"You are the answer to every prayer I've offered. You are a song, a dream, a whisper,and I don't know how I could live without you for as long as I have. I love you, more than you can ever imagine. I always have, and I always will." -Nicholas Sparks

"I don't want sunbursts or marble halls...I just want you."-Anne of Green Gables

"You are my new dream."

"She found herself doing silly things...singing love songs in the dark, reading poems that made her cry. She cut her hair too short, bought herself a keychain shaped like a heart,and watched Casablanca at two o'clock in the morning. She was in love for the first time in her life." -Where the Heart is

"I used to feel so alone in the city. All those gazillions of people and then me, on the outside. Because how do you meet a new person? I was very stumped by this for many years. And then I realized, you just say 'Hi'. They may ignore you. Or you may marry them. And that possibility is worth that one word." -Augusten Burroughs

"Any day spent with you is my favorite day. So, today is my new favorite day." -Winnie the Pooh

"He's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same." -Emily Bronte

"I'll know he's the one when he makes me laugh." -Minnie Mouse :)

"Never settle for anything less than butterflies."

"You are every lovely word I could possibly think of."
"To love another person is to see the face of God." -Les Mis
This heart is a great and terrible thing. Open it up to someone, and you risk the most wonderful thing in all the world, and also the worst. Question is, is it worth it? A part of me wants to say, "No, no it's not". But the other part says, "Ah, but what if it does" work out?

...The Lord's up to something. I just don't know what exactly it is just yet. Scary? A little. Exciting? Always.